While elections in other countries show democracy in action, Philippine elections more often look like a demo of “crazy” actions.
It’s all a family affair in many places as family members holding government posts merely swap jobs during elections.
In Marinduque province, for instance, Rep. Edmundo Reyes Jr. is running for governor. His mother Carmencita, the incumbent governor, is seeking his House post. The same is true in Quirino province, where Gov. Orlando Fua Sr. is aspiring for the job of his son, Rep. Orlando Fua Jr., who is in turn seeking his father’s job.
***
In some places, elections find the most improbable rivals. In Sara, Iloilo province, the incumbent pro-administration mayor is facing the biggest threat to his job – his own wife!
Mayor Neptali Salcedo of President Gloria Arroyo’s Kampi party will have to contend with his wife Emelita, a businesswoman, who is running under the opposition Ugyon-Liberal party.
Her party is led by re-electionist Gov. Niel Tupas who will be challenged in the polls by his own vice governor, administration candidate Roberto Armada.
Meanwhile, the Salcedo couple’s son, Jesus, is gunning for a seat in the provincial board as an independent candidate. A daughter, Jeneda, is running uncontested for vice mayor.
Whew! Family ties really are that strong in the Philippines. Especially during elections.
***
A global conservation group reported a “massive outbreak” of coral-eating starfish in various parts of the Philippines as the temperature continues to rise and tourists flock to different beaches nationwide.
The World Wildlife Fund for Nature-Philippines said the starfish invasion has been detected in Mabini, Batangas, Apo Reef off the Dumaguete coast, Puerto Galera in Mindoro, Roxas in Palawan, Bolinao in Lingayen Gulf and Kiamba and Glan in Sarangani Bay.
In the Philippines, even the fish wants to be a star!
***
Opposition candidates are expected to dominate not only the senatorial race in the May 14 elections but also the battles for local elective posts, according to the latest Social Weather Stations (SWS) survey.
In a recent survey conducted among registered voters, SWS found that a plurality of respondents would vote opposition when it comes to congressmen, governors and mayors.
***
Could this be the real reason why First Gentleman Mike Arroyo suddenly developed a heart problem and had to undergo a risky aorta and triple bypass operation?
As of this writing, President Arroyo’s husband was still in the danger zone after being given a 50-50 chance of survival by his doctors.
Although many disparaging jokes are circulating all over town on what happened to Mr. Arroyo, considering the sensitivity of the matter, we better not talk about them. But it’s really hard to resist. So there’s this story about …Oops, better not risk a libel suit! More than 40 journalists have already been slapped with such cases by the man on the Intensive Care Unit.
***
The Philippines is again being compared to Iraq, probably to the dismay of Iraqis!
The United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) identified the Philippines and Iraq as two of 33 countries that require external assistance to deal with food shortage as a result of “crop failure, natural disasters, interruption of imports, disruption of distribution, excessive post-harvest losses, or other supply bottlenecks.”
Some people are shaking their heads. “What?! There’s food shortage in the Philippines? How can that be when men and women everywhere in the country are sporting that “preggie” look in their tummies? Where are they getting the stuff they’re putting inside their own “bodegas”?
***
The Philippines has been found to have the worst record with spam in the Asia-Pacific region.
According to the Symantec Corp. Internet Threat Security Report, 88 percent of e-mails coming from the Philippines are spam. This is much higher than the worldwide average of 59 percent.
Filipinos who woke up to a world of computers only yesterday must have thought that spam was the popular luncheon meat brand!
***
The Philippine National Police has issued a warning to gay officers not to sway their hips or display suggestive behavior while on duty or they risk losing their jobs.
But Filipino macho drivers don’t actually mind being apprehended by gay cops. Instead of a ticket for a traffic violation, they’ll just get a pinch on their tummy or, sometimes, below that!
***
An asteroid circling the sun between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter was recently named after a Filipino scientist and former director of the Philippine weather service.
The International Astronomical Union last week officially christened minor planet No. 6636 as “Kintanar” in honor of Dr. Roman Kintanar, who headed the Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration (Pagasa) for nearly 36 years before retiring in 1994.
Kintanar considered it a “big honor” to be given this “unique accolade.”
But if this piece of rock measuring four to nine kilometers in diameter hits the Earth, the “big honor” could become a “big horror” as they’ll all be blaming it on a Filipino!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Spoiling a hostage-taker: Only in Pinas
The Philippines again showed to the entire world its uniqueness and unsurpassed sense of craziness when an aging Rambo-wannabe named Jun Ducat staged a hostage-taking incident last March 28 near the Manila City Hall.
This guy Ducat must have watched Rambo movies one too many as he really packed his “production” with lots of superstars – 26 pre-school children whose innocent looks could palpitate even a heart made of stone (which best described Ducat’s granite face), four unsuspecting teachers, action movie star Sen. Bong Revilla reprising his role as the heroic Pinoy cop, actor wannabe senatorial candidate Chavit Singson (who flew all the way from his Ilocos Sur hometown to lend a “helping hand” full of 500-peso bills which he later gave away to the kids), and a large cast of eager-beaver policemen and kibitzers.
Ducat also armed himself to the teeth – two grenades, an Uzi submachinegun, .45 caliber pistol, several cans of ice cream (which the police gave) and several arenolas (personal-size latrines) full of the hostages’ “stink-bombs”!
***
When Ducat announced the hostage-taking on a scribbled note plastered on the windshield of the bus the children were on, the first ones to arrive to the rescue were -- not the cops -- but the legion of mediamen armed to the hilt with notepads, ballpens, cell phones, microphones and TV cameras!
The media guys were about to start a fight on who should be first to interview Ducat and his hostages when, finally and mercifully, the police came – with a whole army of kibitzers behind them!
***
Asked what his demands were, Ducat told the police: Ice cream!
***
The police forbade anyone from getting near the comandeered bus. And no one should talk to the hostage-taker except the police commander on the ground or his duly designated hostage negotiator as is the practice in most civilized parts of the world -- does the Philippines belong in that category?
Anyway, before the police could blow a whistle, Ducat was already hooked up with several radio stations giving interviews to every newscaster and his grandmother!
And when Bong Revilla came seemingly out of thin air, whoa! The police had to make an exception. The action hero was there to save the day for them – walking straight to the bus, boarding it and talking to Ducat who just happened to be someone he knew personally.
And then came Chavit. “If you let Bong talk to the hostage-taker, why can’t I?” Okay, okay, you go ahead, the police commander was forced to say, not wanting to antagonize an Ilocano in Malacanang’s good graces.
And so when Bong left the bus, it was Chavit’s turn to board the vehicle and talk to Ducat. But, unfortunately, some kibitzers thought Chavit looked like the bus conductor going back to check on the passengers’ tickets!
***
In the end, after more than 10 hours of media hype that tied up traffic all over the city, Ducat finally surrendered apparently after running out of things to demand to the authorities who had granted all of his whims – lighted candles on the streets, loudspeakers hooked to his cellphone and of course the ice cream because it’s really hot that day!
***
Poor Chavit, he thought he would win the best actor award in the Ducat hostage-taking saga with the final scene of him taking the grenade from Ducat’s hand as the highlight of the drama that would be played over and over on Philippine television. He probably thought that would earn him lots of votes.
Turned out Ducat was not that cooperative. In the police jail where he was brought, the self-proclaimed children’s champion turned children’s abductor only had nasty things to say about Chavit: a seven-letter word that starts with the first letter of his name and ends also with the last letter of his name. It sounds like the name of his former buddy Erap Estrada. No, it’s not “kor-erap”! But sounds like!
This guy Ducat must have watched Rambo movies one too many as he really packed his “production” with lots of superstars – 26 pre-school children whose innocent looks could palpitate even a heart made of stone (which best described Ducat’s granite face), four unsuspecting teachers, action movie star Sen. Bong Revilla reprising his role as the heroic Pinoy cop, actor wannabe senatorial candidate Chavit Singson (who flew all the way from his Ilocos Sur hometown to lend a “helping hand” full of 500-peso bills which he later gave away to the kids), and a large cast of eager-beaver policemen and kibitzers.
Ducat also armed himself to the teeth – two grenades, an Uzi submachinegun, .45 caliber pistol, several cans of ice cream (which the police gave) and several arenolas (personal-size latrines) full of the hostages’ “stink-bombs”!
***
When Ducat announced the hostage-taking on a scribbled note plastered on the windshield of the bus the children were on, the first ones to arrive to the rescue were -- not the cops -- but the legion of mediamen armed to the hilt with notepads, ballpens, cell phones, microphones and TV cameras!
The media guys were about to start a fight on who should be first to interview Ducat and his hostages when, finally and mercifully, the police came – with a whole army of kibitzers behind them!
***
Asked what his demands were, Ducat told the police: Ice cream!
***
The police forbade anyone from getting near the comandeered bus. And no one should talk to the hostage-taker except the police commander on the ground or his duly designated hostage negotiator as is the practice in most civilized parts of the world -- does the Philippines belong in that category?
Anyway, before the police could blow a whistle, Ducat was already hooked up with several radio stations giving interviews to every newscaster and his grandmother!
And when Bong Revilla came seemingly out of thin air, whoa! The police had to make an exception. The action hero was there to save the day for them – walking straight to the bus, boarding it and talking to Ducat who just happened to be someone he knew personally.
And then came Chavit. “If you let Bong talk to the hostage-taker, why can’t I?” Okay, okay, you go ahead, the police commander was forced to say, not wanting to antagonize an Ilocano in Malacanang’s good graces.
And so when Bong left the bus, it was Chavit’s turn to board the vehicle and talk to Ducat. But, unfortunately, some kibitzers thought Chavit looked like the bus conductor going back to check on the passengers’ tickets!
***
In the end, after more than 10 hours of media hype that tied up traffic all over the city, Ducat finally surrendered apparently after running out of things to demand to the authorities who had granted all of his whims – lighted candles on the streets, loudspeakers hooked to his cellphone and of course the ice cream because it’s really hot that day!
***
Poor Chavit, he thought he would win the best actor award in the Ducat hostage-taking saga with the final scene of him taking the grenade from Ducat’s hand as the highlight of the drama that would be played over and over on Philippine television. He probably thought that would earn him lots of votes.
Turned out Ducat was not that cooperative. In the police jail where he was brought, the self-proclaimed children’s champion turned children’s abductor only had nasty things to say about Chavit: a seven-letter word that starts with the first letter of his name and ends also with the last letter of his name. It sounds like the name of his former buddy Erap Estrada. No, it’s not “kor-erap”! But sounds like!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Cigarette butt did it
The fire that destroyed the headquarters of the Commission on Elections (Comelec) in Intramuros, Manila was not caused by electrical overload, faulty electrical wiring or by sabotage, according to the Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos Sr.
Since the fire could not have materialized out of thin air, somebody has got to take the rap.
Is Abalos blaming the Marine guards who were supposed to be guarding the building but were nowhere when the fire started? No.
Is he blaming the firefighters for their failure to put out the fire even if the fire station was just a spitting distance from the Comelec office? Nope.
Is he blaming his staff for being careless? No, no, no.
Is he blaming himself for lack of foresight? Definitely not!
Who is he blaming then?
The cigarette butt! Yes, Abalos said a lighted cigarette butt accidentally thrown into a pile of old papers caused the fire.
Now that’s a new reason for waging a campaign against cigarette smoking. It can destroy one’s lungs and even a building!
Jurassic passport
A passport crisis looms in the Philippines following an admission by the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) that the country’s supply of passports will last only up to June this year.
No problem. Use Filipino ingenuity. Get those Xerox photocopy machines ready!
Next time you get a new passport, check if the paper is plain bond paper.
These are the countries that still do not have modern machine-readable passports.
As such, Filipinos may soon find it hard to enter the United States, European and other countries using modern passport-checking machines.
The Philippines has again made a name for itself as the only country in Asia with a “Jurassic” passport, one senator commented.
Oh yes, it’s still the Jurassic age in the Philippines. Some of the crocodiles are just pretending to be politicians.
Happy to be corrupt?
The Philippines is now considered as the top corruption villain in Asia, more corrupt than Indonesia or Thailand.
Some Filipinos were shouting: “Yipee! We’re ahead of them all! We outdid ourselves!”
How could some of us be happy with such terribly bad news as reported by the Hong Kong-based Political and Economic Risk Consultancy Ltd. (PERC), an organization that advices private companies and governments around the world?
The PERC survey showed the Philippines with a score of 9.40 from 7.80 last year. The PERC has a grading system of zero as the best possible score and 10 as the worst.
You know why some Filipinos are happy to be known as corrupt?
It’s because they know that many of them are not really corrupt and that the corruption “hot potato” would eventually fall into the hands of the guilty political leaders.
And there’s always the possibility that the “hot potato” could force those leaders to at least stop stealing someone else’s potatoes even for a awhile!
“They got it all wrong! They’ve been infiltrated by the members of the opposition, the communists, the terrorists!” Arroyo glowered.
Oh, but not by potato-stealers?
Intro, intro, intro
My name is Jay Gotera. My friends say my first name sounds like a noisy bird while my surname sounds like a yucky disease.
Don’t worry, my “jay” is caged and my “cholera” will not hit your gut -- only your funny bone, hopefully (if you still have it) -- since it’s only a cholera of words.
Well, starting today the “jay-bird” is here to contaminate you with a rash of “cholera” on the latest goings on in the Philippines.
If reading other blogs before tend to make you fall asleep, well, hopefully reading this blog will be like downing a steaming-hot strong black coffee. I’ll grind the most important news for you, percolate it and serve it right to your breakfast table. Oops don’t spill it!
If you have any thing to say about the news served here, you may email me at jrgotera@yahoo.com. I’ll try to include your inputs in the next editions of this column.
So, you’re fully awake now?
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